I mentioned previously that I worry about my parenting style, but at the same time I agree with Rahima Baldwin Dancy:
Our task is to do our best, and trust in the best. We need to trust our children to be resilient, to be able to heal, to be terrific people despite our flawed efforts and our most regretted actions. (from You are Your Child’s First Teacher)
I’m glad that before having a child of my own I accepted that my own parents did their best based on their knowledge, their resources and their emotional/psychological fit with me. I feel that my acceptance of their parenting style gives me more confidence in my own and allows me to be gentle with myself, to forgive my own mistakes faster. I know I’ll make many mistakes, but all parents do.
I started reading R. B. Dancy’s book as part of my research into various educational streams/theories: Montessori, Waldorf, homeschooling, unschooling, autonomous education. I just finished reading John Holt’s How Children Fail. Here is excerpt from his own foreword to it:
But there is a more important sense in which almost all children fail: Except for a handful, who may or may not be good students, they fail to develop more than a tiny part of the tremendous capacity for learning, understanding, and creating with which they were born and of which they made full use during the first two or three years of their lives.
Why do they fail?
They fail because they are afraid, bored, and confused.
His book is so easy to read and I had no trouble agreeing with him throughout the book, because, despite being a good student, I disliked school and as result skipped some of it. Yep, I was a truant. According to my mum I even disliked kindergarten.
At school I was often bored, because the subject matter was irrelevant to me, too easy or plain boring. I still remember listening to my uncle’s stories about Catherine the Great when I was 10 or 12 and being surprised to discover that history can be interesting, that it involves real complex people, that it isn’t all about poor underprivileged people rebelling against the rich.
The whole life in Soviet Russia was full of fear and confusion to me. There were so many unwritten rules, that no one explained to me, but plenty of people were eager to tell one off for breaking them. I think my capacity for learning and creating was getting squashed long before I started school. But specifically at school, I was afraid of being presented as model example to the other students (it had great side-effect of cutting me off from the rest) and being ridiculed for the wrong answers. Being in the middle of the pack was the safest option. I still remember being asked to tell what the classic composer was trying to portray in a short musical piece and being laughed at by the teacher for saying that I heard a train speeding away and the sound of the train horn. The correct answer was the hunters on horses chasing prey and blowing a hunting horn. Trust me when I say that hunters and galloping horses weren’t part of my childhood experience in small Soviet town. So the whole situation seems totally ridiculous to me now. Actually all of us dreaded music lessons, which mostly consisted of learning patriotic songs, because our teacher was sadistic bastard. I learned a lot of things at soviet school like how not to show initiative, not to ask questions, avoid responsibility, hide my thoughts and feelings, cheat, pretend to be dumber than I am, not to stand out.
Yet while reading a book I was also trying to think about studying in Australia and I realised that I can’t form any judgement on their schools as by the time I got there I just wanted to get good grades at school to get into university and at uni to pass to get a well paying job. Learning wasn’t one of my goals. There were some great teachers, some average ones and only one I truly disliked.
I hope my daughter will have better educational experience than I did. After I started working I made sure I enjoy my jobs most of the time and didn’t dread going to work every morning. I don’t see why a child should dread going to school where they spend so much of their time. To keep our options open we are trying to move to an area, which has a range of good public and private schools/kindergartens including Montessori & Waldorf.
On Saturday we actually went to the Waldorf kindergarten/school open day. How could I not like a place that is full of wood, balls of yarn, crayons, music, kindness and respect? I loved it and think I would enjoy chatting to the people, who work there, and creating my own things surrounded by its magic atmosphere. But I’m still not 100% convinced that it is perfect for my daughter, though she enjoyed playing with all their toys, was happy to be away from us and didn’t want to leave.
And since this is supposed to be a craft blog, here is a picture of the shoes I crocheted for her last week, since we were asked to bring slippers as outdoor shoes aren’t supposed to be worn inside the Waldorf school. Crochet pattern from DROPS Design - there are many other free crochet and knitting patterns on their website.
