Online networks

Since I want to stay in touch with few old work colleagues, who are not on Facebook, I finally caved in and created an account on LinkedIN (professional networking site). On opening a new account I had to choose one option that describes my current employment situation: employed, a business owner, looking for work, working independently or a student. I hate labels when they are used to reduce something complex into a tiny easily explainable stereotype and I certainly didn’t feel that any of these choices describe me.

It was easy to dismiss the first three options. I’m not in the paid employment, though I certainly work hard everyday. I don’t run a business. I’m not looking for a new job. And for everyone who asked (mum, you aren’t the only one :-)) - I don’t plan to in the nearest future, as I enjoy having time to think, learn, plan, design and craft. I enjoy being able to sit still on my own with a cup of tea in the middle of the day in order to regroup and re-establish inner balance. I love being able to spend lost of time outside. I enjoy feeling that I can meet my obligations to my family and myself without overstretching to the breaking point. Few weeks back I saw this quote in my diary:
It is necessary to be somewhat underemployed if you want to do something significant.
James Watson (American scientist)
And to me raising a child is something very significant.


I could describe myself as a student as every day is full of lessons in the child development and psychology; in the needlework, painting and drawing; in self-discovery and self-improvement; in patience, gratitude and humility.

After considering all these and many more things I choose “working independently” option, only to find out that once profile is created it is possible to re-write this selection into unique professional headline. Though this could end up being even harder than Rachael’s six words challenge. I think opening account on Stitchin Fingers community instead would’ve been more enjoyable.

The change - the last day

Today was my last day of paid employment. I can give you many different reasons for my decision to quit now. But the chief one is that I feel tired and believe that I deserve a short peaceful break (as much as looking after an active toddle can be considered to be one). Despite Cat being a super easy baby, last year was hard both physically and emotionally. Since I didn’t have any previous experience of baby care the learning curve was the steepest one I ever encountered (excluding the first few years of my life, but I don’t remember those :-) ). Far away from my family and most of my friends I often felt exhausted and lonely. Yet I love being a mother and I want to have more time to enjoy it instead of rushing between entertaining my daughter, completing the household chores and working.

I agonized about this decision for very long time, swinging from one option to another. But once I sent my resignation letter I felt incredibly happy and relaxed, which makes me believe that my decision was the right one. I’m glad that I had a range of choices and extremely grateful for having very supportive husband. And I wonder where this small change will lead me.

Still Working

I went to the office twice this week for few meetings. I totally forgot how dreary the morning commute can be: grey cloudy skies outside the train windows, grey mass of business-attired people inside.

I also dropped off the signed contract extending my part-time (20hrs/week) working from home arrangement until the end of June.

It is possible

I now worked for two weeks and I’m happy to report that working part-time (20 hrs/week) from home while looking after one 9.5 month child (thankfully a very undemanding one) is possible. On the good days it is actually easy, on the bad days I just have to remind myself that I would feel exhausted at the end of the day even if I wasn’t working.

We had to simplify and even scarifies some things to make this new arrangement easier on us. For example I now have dinner with Cat at 6pm and Clive eats something at work. This way I don’t have to cook something specifically for Cat, which she is likely not to eat anyway, and Clive and I have dinner at a reasonable time, instead of late at night (i.e. after 8 pm) and too close to our bedtime. Clive also gets up earlier in the mornings now, so he has time to do few simple household chores before leaving for work.

There is less time for myself, but there is some (I even managed to read all archives of another blog that I found recently). It is usually in the evenings and I struggle to use this time effectively as I’m definitely a morning person. I’m hoping I’ll be able to adjust to the new load/routine after the few weeks and will be able to find energy for reading, writing, drawing, crocheting.

We certainly are more organized about doing something fun on the weekends during our free weekend time. This Saturday we went to the London Zoo where Cat got to see real-life giraffes (she seem to be surrounded with giraffe toys and pictures at home).

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I’m struggling to think of a quote for this week as even that requires time. Anyone has any good time quotes?

The wheels are in motion

I usually fall silent in my blog due to:
a) lack of sleep
b) shortage of coherent thoughts (often as the result of a)
c) too many thoughts swarming in my head

Recently it’s been the last one. I started the negotiations to arrange my return from maternity leave, starting with working on part-time bases (about 20 hours/week) from home. And I’m full of conflicting thoughts and emotions since the questions of returning to the office and to the fulltime work were already asked. There are so many ifs.

I look at how little time my husband has to spend with Cat and I know that I’m not going to be comfortable with seeing my daughter only for 30 minutes in the morning, 30 in the evening and two weekend days. The best moments I have with her are the ones when I don’t feel any pressure to get other things done and have plenty of time to be silly and relaxed. The other day I spent ages trying to get her to smile (think she is teething again) and just as I gave up she looked at me, squashed her slimy hand into my face and started laughing. As the MasterCard ad says – priceless. I want my days to be full of moments like that. I don’t want to pay someone else most of my salary to experience that joy instead of me.

At the same time I know that the longer the break the harder it will be to get interesting work. After working really hard for the last few years, it seems unfair to have to start from the beginning again in few years time.

Maybe the decision would be easier if I didn’t like my company and the people I work with. Or if I didn’t have good career opportunities in my current job available NOW. Or if I knew that I would be able to return to the same level after 2-3 years break. Or if doing plenty of unpaid overtime wasn’t the norm. Or if I didn’t love being able to spend some of the daylight hours outside (it gets dark at 4pm here!) Or if I didn’t enjoy having a reasonably clean house and nice home cooked dinners and baking and having time for myself to read, crochet or just stare into space. Or if there were relatives and friends who could help to take care of Cat.

Or maybe it wouldn’t be any easier. Maybe any decision will be a temporary compromise to be constantly rethought and re-evaluated while I try to figure out my own life values and how they fit together. Fitting them all together seems to be the hard part.

P.S. If everything goes well I’ll be starting parttime work from home on 13th of August.