The shaping of oneself

If the children and youth of a nation are afforded opportunity to develop their capacities to the fullest, if they are given the knowledge to understand the world and the wisdom to change it, then the prospects for the future are bright.

Urie Bronfenbrenner "Two worlds of childhood U.S. and U.S.S.R."

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Sometimes I see a mention of a book, which sounds worth reading. I saw the name of this one and a very short description on Kate’s blog and I had to get it. It arrived last week at the perfect time – I had a stomach bug and on Thursday; feeling weak, sick and extremely tired; took time off work and house-work to rest. I slept during Cat’s morning nap and read big part of the book during her afternoon nap (rare occurrence now since she started skipping the afternoon nap four weeks ago). The timing was also perfect, because this is exactly the book I needed to read to help me sort out some things in my mind and in my heart. The new role of being a mother made me examine many parts of my own personality, my values, my beliefs, my skills, my attitudes, my insecurities. I get frustrated at my limitations, but even more at my inability to change fast enough to get closer to the desired self or still more at being unable to see clearly who I am and who I want to be. The book reminded me that there were many forces that shaped me - both good ones and bad; that I am a product of the two different societies in which I grew up; that the Soviet upbringing (even the softer one of the end days of U.S.S.R) in many ways went against my original character (or at least how I see my character to be); that after moving to OZ I swept away many of my pre-Australian childhood memories. I need to do more thinking. I need time to process the information I have, to re-read parts of this book, to read others, to accept my contradictions and to nourish myself.

At times it is hard to remember that there is a big world outside the small circle of my family. There will be many others, who will influence my daughter and shape her character. And I’m sure surrounded by thinking adults she will take active part in that shaping. I’m fascinated by what effect society and each individual in her life will have on her. I’m fascinated by how complex our human interactions are. For many years sociology was a background topic of interest and maybe it is time to take a more active part in studying it. I’m far from the perfection I seek, but I’m glad that I am seeking.